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During this same year I got my first idea of sexual intercourse
by watching animals copulate; but my powers of observation must
have been limited, for I supposed that the penis of the male
entered the anus of the female. In watching the coitus of animals
I experienced lively sexual excitement and lustful sensations,
located not only in the genitals, but apparently in the anus as
well. I often excited, myself by imagining myself playing the
part of the female animal--a peculiar combination of passive
pederasty and bestiality. A servant girl put me to right on the
error of observation just mentioned, but neglected to apply the
principle to human animals, and I remained for another year in
complete ignorance of the structure of woman's sexual organs and
of the intercourse between man and woman. In the meantime I
cultivated my fancies of intercourse with animals, often still
perversely imagining myself taking the part of the female; and
the notion of such relationships gradually became so familiar as
to seem possible and desirable. This is especially significant in
view of later developments.
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Up to my eleventh or twelfth year the erotic element in my
daydreaming varied with the seasons. In the summer it played a
dominant part, while in the winter it was almost entirely absent,
owing, it may be, to the fact that most of my time was spent
indoors or on long, tiresome tramps to and from school, and the
further fact that during the winter I saw but little of the
animals which had acted as a stimulus to sexual excitement. So
little was I troubled in winter and so ignorant was I of normal
intercourse that sleeping with a cousin, a girl of about my own
age (7 or 8 years), resulted in no addition to my knowledge of
things sexual.
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It was early in my ninth year that I first learned something of
the anatomical difference between man and woman and of the
functions of the sexual organs in coitus. These were explained to
me by a young male servant, who, however, told me nothing of
conception or pregnancy. At first I was very little interested,
as it did not immediately occur to me to associate my own erotic
experiences with the matter of these revelations; but under the
faithful tuition of my new instructor I soon began to desire
normal coitus, and my interest in the sexual affairs of animals
weakened accordingly. His teachings went still further, for he
masturbated before me, then persuaded me to masturbate him, and
finally practiced coitus inter femora upon me. He also tried to
masturbate me, but was unable to produce an orgasm, though I
found the experiment mildly pleasurable.

Early in my eleventh year we left the farm and lived in the city
for several months. In the meantime there had been no
developments in my sexual life beyond what has already been
indicated. In the city I found so much to interest and amuse me
that I almost entirely forgot my erotic day-dreams and desires.
Though my chief playmates were two girls of about my own age I
never thought of attempting sexual intercourse with them, as I
might easily have done, for they were much wiser and more
experienced in these things than myself. Shortly before the end
of our stay in town an older schoolmate explained to me as much
of the process of reproduction as is usually known by a
precocious youngster of 12 years, but I firmly refused to credit
his statements. He adduced the fact of lactation in proof of the
correctness of his views, but I had been too thoroughly steeped
in supernaturalism to be very amenable to naturalistic evidence
of this sort and remained obdurate. But the suggestion stayed
with me and perplexed me not a little; when we returned to the
farm I began to watch the reproductive process in animals.

The following two years were decidedly unpleasant. I was growing
rapidly and was sluggish, awkward and stupid. At school I was
more unpopular than ever and seemed to have a positive genius
for doing the wrong thing. On the rare occasions when my
companions admitted me to their counsels I was a willing dupe and
catspaw, with the result that I was much in trouble with my
teachers. Being morbidly sensitive I suffered keenly under these
circumstances and, as my health was not at all good, I often made
of my frequent headaches excuses to stay at home, where I would
lie abed brooding over my small troubles or, more often, dreaming
erotic day-dreams and making repeated attempts to produce an
orgasm. But though these efforts were accompanied by the most
lustful thoughts and my imagination created situations of
oriental extravagance, I was 13 years old when they first met
with success. I remember the occasion very distinctly, the more
so because I thought of it much and bitterly when shortly
afterwards I tried to abandon a habit which the family "doctor
book" assured me must result in every variety of damnation. At
the moment, however, I was greatly surprised and gratified and
tried at once to repeat the delightful sensation, but was unable
to do so until the following day. From that time to the present I
think I have masturbated an average of ten times per week, and
this is certainly a very conservative estimate; for though up to
my sixteenth year I could seldom produce an orgasm more than once
a day I have often, during the last four or five years, produced
it from four to seven times per day without difficulty and this
for days and even weeks in succession. During these periods of
excessive masturbation very little liquid was ejaculated and the
pleasurable sensations were slight or entirely lacking.